INFJ

The Counselor

INFJ in a Nutshell

INFJs are thoughtful nurturers with a strong sense of personal integrity and a drive to help others realize their potential. Creative and dedicated, they have a talent for helping others with original solutions to their personal challenges.

The Counselor has a unique ability to intuit others' emotions and motivations, and will often know how someone else is feeling before that person knows it himself. They trust their insights about others and have strong faith in their ability to read people. Although they are sensitive, they are also reserved; the INFJ is a private sort, and is selective about sharing intimate thoughts and feelings.

INFJs search for meaning and purpose in their lives and in the outer world. They tend to have an immense interest in deeply understanding culture, society, and the universe as a whole. INFJs naturally see how every thought or action could potentially have important consequences, either positive or negative. This reflective and curious worldview gives INFJs a unique perspective and thoughtful approach to how they interact with others and the world around them.

Ultimately, INFJs seek to turn their abstract and intellectual musings into concrete actions that can be applied and make a transformative impact on others. Although it is common for INFJs to get stuck in their heads and struggle with taking action, when they are at their best, their actions are aligned with their authentic values.

How Others See the INFJ

INFJs often appear quiet, caring and sensitive, and may be found listening attentively to someone else’s ideas or concerns. They are highly perceptive about people and want to help others achieve understanding. INFJs are not afraid of complex personal problems; in fact, they are quite complex themselves, and have a rich inner life that few are privy to. They reflect at length on issues of ethics, and feel things deeply. Because Counselors initially appear so gentle and reserved, they may surprise others with their intensity when one of their values is threatened or called into question. Their calm exterior belies the complexity of their inner worlds.

Because INFJs are such complex people, they may be reluctant to engage with others who might not understand or appreciate them, and can thus be hard to get to know. Although they want to get along with others and support them in their goals, they are fiercely loyal to their own system of values and will not follow others down a path that does not feel authentic to them. When they sense that their values are not being respected, or when their intuition tells them that someone’s intentions are not pure, they are likely to withdraw.

Acquaintances of INFJs would likely describe them as quiet, intelligent, serious, gentle, and possibly a bit reclusive. Others generally perceive INFJs as pleasant people to be around, but may also notice that they can be moody, aloof, or even somewhat crabby on occasion. All in all, people who only encounter them infrequently are likely to see INFJs as tough nuts to crack and may even find them to be a bit intimidating.

Those closer to an INFJ will likely see beneath the surface and recognize the INFJs depth of empathy and their curious and insightful nature. When family members, friends or trusted co-workers need constructive feedback and a fresh perspective, INFJs are always standing by, ready to offer sensible and helpful input.

INFJs like to put out fires, not start them. When they occupy positions on work teams, non-profit boards, PTAs, city councils, organizing committees or task forces, others learn to appreciate their uncanny ability to defuse tensions, soothe wounded feelings, smooth ruffled feathers, arbitrate petty squabbles and restore the spirit of cooperation whenever it has been compromised.

INFJ Strengths

Practical insight. Some people are visionaries while others are down-to-earth problem solvers, but INFJs manage to straddle the line between both identities—and they usually succeed masterfully. INFJs are insightful thinkers who see through situations and people effectively and enjoy developing practical strategies for action. 

Compassion. As a Feeling type, you might expect an INFJ to show compassion—but what sets them apart is that their empathy comes with a sharp intuitive edge. They are quick to recognize worry and unhappiness in friends and loved ones, even when outward signs of distress are not visible to others. INFJs are uniquely capable of detecting unspoken and unacknowledged suffering, and are called into action by their instinctive ability to see beneath the surface.

Keeping the peace. Mediating disputes is hard work, but INFJs have an astounding ability to help heal the rifts that divide people. They intuitively sense the real suffering that anger can cause if left to fester, and because they are good listeners they are quite effective at helping warring parties find workable solutions that will satisfy the needs of all. And they do it with great energy and determination.

Decisiveness. For INFJs, obstacles exist to be overcome and no problem can outmatch the strength and resilience that these types possess deep inside. INFJs follow through on their ideas with conviction, and have the willpower and decisiveness necessary to see projects through to the end. INFJs live for the opportunity to solve problems and bring about positive change in the world.

INFJ Weaknesses

Overlooking details. No matter how practically-oriented they aspire to be, INFJs have a tendency to get so caught up in theorizing the big picture that they forget to account for some of the precious details that can separate success from failure. Details always matter, and while INFJs may recognize this in principle, in practice they aren’t always as diligent about the small stuff as they should be. 

Intensely private. Despite their loving and sensitive natures, INFJs have a tendency to close themselves off from the world and don’t give people the chance to know them or see the wonderful qualities they possess. Even in their relations with family and trusted friends, INFJs can be enigmatic. When they are feeling frustrated or introspective, they may retreat from social contact without so much as a word of explanation, which can throw others for a loop.

Conflict averse. INFJs dislike conflict intensely and will usually intervene to stop it, but this is one area where their perspective can get distorted. INFJs often fail to recognize that conflict can actually serve a useful purpose, allowing a good process of give-and-take to be established and giving all parties the opportunity to resolve their problem forever. INFJs would be wise to acknowledge the value of open and honest dialogue, instead of automatically assuming that all squabbling is harmful.

Sensitive. Once an INFJ has made up their mind, they tend to be very confident in their conclusions and may not have much tolerance for those who continue to dissent. When someone challenges their conclusions, they can react very strongly and are especially vulnerable to criticism.

INFJ Growth and Development

In order to reach their full potential, INFJs should:

Question their intuition. INFJs have outstanding instincts for the most part, but sometimes their intuition betrays them when they are dealing with others. When something is bothering them, INFJs will often withdraw into the safety of their own heads rather than speaking openly about what they are feeling; conversely, they seldom express their feelings of love, affection and appreciation as directly as might be expected given the depth of the emotions they experience. To improve their communication habits, INFJs should go out of their way to share their feelings—both good and bad—with others regardless of how uncomfortable it makes them feel to do so. 

Give others the benefit of the doubt. INFJs are insightful, instinctive and persuasive. But despite the enormous effort that INFJs invest in developing and selling their concepts and ideas, sometimes dissidents will remain. INFJs sometimes become disenchanted with those who refuse to accept their conclusions, and they will convince themselves that their opponents have hidden agendas and are acting in bad faith. When situations like this arise, INFJs should try to accept that total consensus is impossible and that some will continue to hold contrary viewpoints. In situations like this, both sides should simply agree to disagree and move on. 

Let others agree to disagree, too. When tensions are high and arguments are heated, INFJs will do all they can to restore lost cohesion and tranquility. But their love of harmony and aversion to division is so powerful that INFJs refuse to accept that sometimes the best way to end disputes is to bring them out into the open, where bridges of understanding can be built. On balance, INFJs’ dislike of conflict is a good thing. But their efforts to play peacemaker might be more successful if they would concentrate on keeping the lines of communication open when disagreements arise instead of always trying to sweep everything under the rug. 

Make connections with extraverts. Because sharing with anyone outside a small trusted circle goes against their instincts, too often talented INFJs choose to keep their gifts wrapped up and hidden even though they have much to contribute. But INFJs would benefit by cultivating friendly relationships with extraverted people whenever possible. Opposites attract, and there is no doubt that being around more naturally open and communicative people can help bring INFJs out of their shells and out into the world where others can benefit from their intellect, empathy and compassion. 

Slow down! INFJs are productive and effective when they make a concerted effort to focus on one project at a time. But their fertile imaginations frequently undermine their efforts to stay on the straight and narrow, and they will often start new projects based on fresh inspirations before old ones are finished—and, before they know it, they will find themselves buried under an avalanche of work. There is really nothing INFJs can do to moderate the pace of their inspirations, but if they constantly remind themselves to slow down and take things one at a time, they may be able to resist the urge to go off on tangents at least some of the time.