ESFJ
The Provider
ESFJ in a Nutshell
ESFJs are conscientious helpers, sensitive to the needs of others and energetically dedicated to their responsibilities. They are highly attuned to their emotional environment and attentive to both the feelings of others and the perception others have of them. ESFJs like a sense of harmony and cooperation around them, and are eager to please and provide.
ESFJs value loyalty and tradition, and usually make their family and friends their top priority. They are generous with their time, effort, and emotions. They often take on the concerns of others as if they were their own, and will attempt to put their significant organizational talents to use to bring order to other people's lives.
ESFJ Values and Motivations
ESFJs act according to a strict moral code, and look for others to do the same. They often see things in terms of black and white, right and wrong, and they are typically not shy about sharing their evaluations of others' behavior. ESFJs seek harmony and cooperation, and feel this is best accomplished when everyone follows the same set of rules. They have a sense of order in the way people relate to one another, and often take on roles that allow them to help enforce that social order.
ESFJs feel a sense of personal responsibility for other people's needs, and are usually eager to get involved and help out. They tend to be serious and practical, dutifully putting business before pleasure—especially the business of caring for others. They typically enjoy routine and often keep a regular schedule that allows them to be organized and productive.
How Others See the ESFJ
ESFJs may often be found playing host or hostess. They tend to take on the role of organizer without hesitation, and want to be sure that everyone is taken care of. Roles such as committee leader, event planner, and church volunteer suit the ESFJ well. They are typically engaged with their communities and work hard to do their part in maintaining the social order. ESFJs are interested in other people and like to know the details of their lives. Gossip is a favorite pasttime of many ESFJs; they love to share stories about the people around them.
ESFJs have a clear moral code that guides their behavior and their expectations from others. They often have strong opinions about how people should behave and the proper thing to do. Manners and other codes of social interaction are often of great interest to ESFJs. They may think in terms of black and white, right and wrong. They can be judgmental of others who they do not think are acting appropriately, but they have the best of intentions: they simply want everyone to follow the rules so they can all get along. The ESFJ wants things to be all right with the people around them, and may become very involved with others’ problems and concerns.
ESFJ Strengths
Strong practical skills. Good intentions are wonderful, but they don’t mean much unless they’re backed up by a well- organized plan of action. ESFJs understand how to accomplish tasks better than most, and that is why the to-do lists they make are seldom left with any unchecked items. They are so conscientious and detail-oriented they can’t stomach the thought of leaving an important job or project only half-finished, and they would feel embarrassed if they gave anything less than their very best effort in each and every instance.
Warm and sensitive. With grand and gentle hearts, ESFJs form lasting emotional bonds and make strong empathic connections with others. When someone needs guidance, ESFJs will be by their side, supporting them with advice that is concrete, sensible and guaranteed to produce good results. No problem is too big or too small to arouse the interest of ESFJs, and regardless of what a friend, loved one or acquaintance is going through, ESFJs will do their best to provide impactful assistance.
Loyal and dutiful. ESFJs are traditionalists right down to the core. They are concerned with protecting the best parts of the existing social order against the forces of “progress”, and always honor the wisdom of their elders, always put the interests of others before their own. Doing the right thing every time doesn’t make life easy, but ESFJs are incapable of following the path of least resistance when people need help or moral issues are involved.
Stand up and be counted. ESFJs aren’t intimidated by challenges and they aren’t willing to just sit by and wait for others to take the lead. Inside their social and community circles, ESFJs are always willing to step up and lend a helping hand; in support of great causes they will organize, volunteer, recruit, fundraise, run for election, put up flyers, go door-to-door or give speeches on street corners— sometimes all in the same week!
ESFJ Weaknesses
Rigid and judgmental. While they are tolerant in general, ESFJs don’t approach the world with a completely open mind. Their value systems are defined by fixed ideas about right and wrong, good and bad, smart and foolish, and they tend to categorize everything they see according to such dualistic concepts. “Live and let live” is not a concept that appeals to ESFJs, who are not shy about judging the behavior and character of others based on brief initial impressions.
Reluctant to improvise. ESFJs have a lot or respect for rules, laws, regulations and traditional codes of conduct—a world without shoulds and shouldn’ts and dos and don’ts would be unsustainable and chaotic to the traditionalist ESFJ. But in some instances, outside the box thinking may be required. ESFJs can be slow to recognize this reality, making them rigid and unyielding when a bit more openness to change is called for.
Neediness. ESFJs have a strong need to be noticed, acknowledged and appreciated, and they want others to see them as helpful, trustworthy and virtuous. This means that their sense of self-worth will rise or fall based on the amount of praise or criticism they get from others. ESFJs aren’t worried about what other people will think every minute of the day, but they do take rejection very personally and have a hard time getting over any perceived slight.
Lack of creative thinking. Too often, ESFJs are so focused on the here and now they miss opportunities for growth and improvement that are staring them right in the face. A long view that embraces creative inspirations, abstract ideas and big picture thinking can allow them to reach new levels of understanding, but taking their intellects in this direction does not come naturally to ESFJs. A failure to respect the benefits of creative power of the imagination can keep ESFJs stuck in patterns of thought and behavior that have long outlived their usefulness.
ESFJ Growth and Development
In order to reach their full potential, ESFJs should:
Get some emotional separation. Helping others gives ESFJs enormous satisfaction but, like sponges, they absorb the anxieties of others as if those troubles were their own. Unfortunately, this is emotionally exhausting and can put a huge strain on ESFJs who may become so preoccupied with the suffering and angst of their loved ones that they lose sight of their own personal needs. In the long run, ESFJs would be more effective if they could learn to put some emotional distance between themselves and the people they choose to assist.
Practice “letting go”. Fish are going to swim, birds are going to fly, and ESFJs are going to make judgments about people and events based on their own exacting standards. But just because they possess this trait doesn’t mean they have to indulge it in every single instance. If ESFJs can learn to detach just a bit from their initial impressions, they will have a much easier time altering their judgments as more information comes in.
Remember that no one can please all of the people all of the time. ESFJs crave the favorable opinions of others and they always go the extra mile to please. But trying to satisfy everyone in every circumstance is impossible, no matter how friendly or accommodating an ESFJ might be. The sooner they realize this the better off they will be. Like anything else it takes practice to change attitudes, but learning to accept occasional rejection can help ESFJs find greater harmony and peace of mind.
Practice solo hobbies. ESFJs can become overly dependent on other people, to the point where they feel ill-at-ease if there is no one around to talk to. We all need some alone time where we can reflect in peace and silence. Solitary hobbies and activities that require quiet concentration and promote self-reliance are highly recommended for ESFJs, who need to get in touch with their feelings and figure out how to get by without constant outside feedback.
Learn a little more about how rules, laws, regulations and traditions actually came into being. ESFJs obey the rules and respect traditional ways. But rather than just accepting them without question, ESFJs should consider studying up to understand where they actually came from. Ideas we take for granted now were fresh and innovative at some point in the past, and they often represented a clean break from previous assumptions. Discovering where “self-evident truths” and “common sense” really came from can help ESFJs broaden their perspective. And if this makes them a little more open to new ideas in the present, it will be a positive development all the way around.
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